Well, I am currently able to write with a much high degree of energy and coherence than I can speak with. Mostly I am just staring ahead without any thoughts. It is surprisingly restful.
And why is that, you would ask if you had even a modicum of decency and humanity…and if you hadn’t read the title of this piece. Well I’ll tell you why.
I have a bit forgotten where I was going with that.
Which is ironic because I have a minor brain injury. It is actually less ironic and more just the reason for it.
And now, let me lead you on a winding story to impart what hast befallen our fair hero of this blog telling place thing.
Twas last Sunday, the date, was what it was. Sunday the Thing of Thing. The year was this one.
There was, as with any day, a high chance that I would be injured because that is all just a part of the colourful cess pool we call life…
I was at my church, situated many, many miles from my home because why make life easy. I was helping with the set down at the end and happened upon a large speaker held up by a stand. On previous occasions I have attempted to dismantle this technologically advanced wizardry but people have always rushed to stop me. On reflection, the speed at which they reacted should perhaps have been a warning to me, rather than acting as a trigger for me to keep trying.
With what has since turned out to be an incorrect analysis of my height and strength, I reached up to unscrew and then lift up and take down the speaker. As it turns out I appear to be a rather weak hobbit rather than an amazonian warrior woman, and the speaker overbalanced and fell. For those of you, dear readers, who are concerned about such things, the speaker was saved from a dramatic smash to the floor by my catching said speaker with my head. This was my reaction:
A dear friend saw, and again, I witnessed that rushing sensation as people flock to prevent me from breaking PLANET EARTH. She removed the speaker from my face/head/neck (it was a large object) and then gave me a soothing hug.
Now I am no stranger to your communal garden brain injury, although I have in fact never had a brain injury inflicted by a common garden, or indeed common gardener. The majority of my concussions have not so much been self inflicted, as strongly influenced by oneself.
There was for example, the concussion I had from falling over on to a marble floor while engaged in high jinks.
The time I received a concussion by headbutting the corner of a glass shelf I didn’t notice despite it being in my own bedroom for many years.
There was the concussion I bestowed upon myself while working as a Health Care Assistant on a busy hospital ward when a door shut on my head.
These few examples hopefully serve to demonstrate how au fait I am with this particular sense of being, let us say, less than shiny in the head region.
Now this fine image has been taken from the google images. It says, in case it is blurry in real life and not just my mind ‘every 9 seconds someone is affected by a Traumatic Brain Injury, you are about to meet one’. My concern here is that every 9 seconds, that injured person might be me, just with a new injury.
ANYWAY. So Sunday I womanfully pushed on and got myself home which, due to traffic and transport took one huuuuundred years. Or two hours. It was long anyway. Monday I did go into work where I put in a solid days sitting in a chair feeling a touch vague. I have no recollection of if I did anything. I might have.
Monday night I began to feel incredibly nauseous and with a thumping head. Tuesday I had a solid headache, my neck ached, my vision was blurred, lights and sounds made me anxious and hurt my head, I was dizzy, I kept falling asleep and things tasted funny. Finally I called the magnificent service ‘111’. I spoke first of all to a delightful woman who I initially thought had a speech impediment. I remember thinking it was an odd job to have if your voice is crazy but then it cleared and I realised she had just had a mouthful of food instead.
*NB, always trying to be funny. Also that is a true story
Anyway, she passed me on to a nurse who sent me off, lickertysplit, to my doctor. After a short altercation with the receptionist who was trying to diagnose my head injury severity for me, my explanation that I am in fact, also a nurse, convinced her that I wasn’t an insane demon trying to steal precious moments from the medical profession who are in fact, far to busy and important to deal with sick people, and she made me an appointment for that evening.
After shining a light in my eyes and see my face crumple into tears while still looking vague, the doctor sent me off to A&E, or the ED if you are from not England.
A&E…now there is a place full of weirdness. I was in and out of the department within the required four hour time period but had no need for the book I had brought because a) my head hurt too much to read and b) A&E is full of crazy people. My dear mother had taken me which was very kind of her because she really must be so sick of taking me to hospital by now.
When we went in to see the charming doctor he did all the testy things and complimented me on my reflexes. A new compliment I must say, but certainly one I’ll be putting on my dating profile. I don’t have a dating profile. I do have a criminal profile. I don’t have one really. I do have an actual profile though. And THAT is a truth!
Anyway, I have post-concussion syndrome, also known as a minor brain injury to the medical world and ‘I HAVE A WHAT??????’ to the non-medical world who tend to use less terrifying sounding names. And which according to the very helpful help leaflet of help, can last from a few weeks to three months…symptoms can however continue for six months to year…or longer. Basically you might be screwed, no one really knows…because your brain has been injured. Because you dropped a speaker on it. Interestingly, this was not listed as one of the common reasons for this condition on the leaflet. In fact none of my methods have been documented as ‘common causes’ for concussion. I’m such a hipster.
Of the possible symptoms I could have from the available list, now provided at 0%APR (I have no idea what this means), I have………*drum roll*
*I don’t have a drum roll*
*A drum roll is not a symptom*
*I don’t even have a bread roll*
*why would you give someone a bread roll for sharing information, shape up reader, pull it together! Acting like a loose cannon there*
– All the ones I put up before…
Headache – constant
Keep falling asleep
Light and sound sensitivity
Concentration is a bit squidgy
Random having all of the moods
Messed up sleep
Which means that now…
So hear me roar!
Because shhhh, the sound hurts
So yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. That has been my week. I did manage to do some teaching yesterday which I now dont really remember but other than that, what a lot of staring at nothing I have done. Also I keep mumbling and no one can understand me.
Right, I’m losing focus, quick, to the bat cave!
There is a bright spot though, perhaps this means I will finally be able to attend the social event of the year!
Term and Condition: I have tried to check the spelling here using the spelling checker but it’s so hard to tell, anyway, I’m sick, don’t be mean!
Another NB: normal service will be resumed in *INSERT TIME HERE*
P.S. I’m still very clever, don’t worry.