It’s been a while

It has always been a while…I’m so inconsistent. Chalk it up to chalk. ALWAYS BLAME THE CHALK.

Well fair reader, since last we spoke (I spoke, you listened. As it should be. Know thy place, mortal) such a lot has happened. I got a new job and Sketch and I moved to another city within the so-called States that are apparently United but in reality appear to be entirely different countries.

Rather than just tell you where it is, i shall give you hints…

Our new city is made from 80% crab.

Can you guess where it is yet?

I’ve only been here a month, that is the only clue.

It is Baltimore. Land of many things, some wonderful, some very sad.

But rather than dwell in things that have no place in a comedy blog, let us return to this issue of crabs.

I don’t believe I’ve shared my entirely appropriate fear of the crab. They are, as Billy Bailey calls them, sideways quislings, among other things.

I have been terrified of crabs since I was about 8 years old, innocently crabbing with a chum at the seaside, oblivious to the evil I was about to encounter.

Then suddenly, from the shallow pool, millions, MILLIONS I TELL YOU, of tiny sideways barbarians, scuttling with their lunacy on full display.

Oh it proper spooked me.

I don’t even care if the crab is unexpectedly glamorous and dresses better than I do…

I just really, really, really really, don’t like them.

So, being a rationale person, you understand, I did what any sane person would. I dwelt on the scuttlebeats of the great deep and allowed my imagination to go to a bad place.

And thus my conviction grew that if you eat a crab, it will reform inside of you pincer its way back out through your middle. 

FACT

I’m a nurse, and a PhD, and I know these things.

TOTALLY LEGITIMATE FACTS.

But I know live in Baltimore and it is so crabby. So much crab. Everywhere. All the time.

Just a matter of time…

Well, unless the crabs get us, until next time dear ones.